Cold Feet?

Whether it’s because I’ll be going home soon or because I've truly become comfortable, I feel like now I can survive in Japan on my own. I don’t need my electronic dictionary or other people to help me. I can figure things out on my own; I can speak in Japanese, ask question, and understand the answers I’m given.

Now I don’t want to leave. Well, I want to go back to the U.S., but only as a vacation. I want to see my cats, my grandparents, and my friends and eat all the delicious and cheap food I have been able to eat this past year in Japan. Then I want to come back to Japan.

I’m scared of returning to the U.S. because what if I don’t fit in my old environment anymore? What happens if my friends and I don’t get along as well or if I become uninterested in the things I was doing before I came to Japan?

I'll find out soon enough because I'm going back to the US in about three weeks.

Contest Entry

For the Ruby Oliver books contest:

First kiss, age 18. Happened with first boyfriend after dating for 2 months. Pocahontas soundtrack was playing on my laptop. #RubyOliverBooks

Enter with your awkward or embarrassing, err, "romantic" encounter! :)

経験の報告書／Study Report

国へ帰る前に一年間の日本にいる経験について短い報告書を書かなくちゃいけませんでした。日本語でも英語でも書いていて、よかったら、見てください。

Before I leave Japan, I've had to write a short report about my experience in Japan the past year. I've written it in both Japanese and English. Take a look if you'd like.

日本にいる一年間、私は大体嬉しくなくて緊張していました。日本人とも他の留学生とも、誰ともといい友達になっていませんでした。どこへ行っても、日本人が私をじろじろ見るので、自分が部外者のように感じられて、どこかおかしいという気分にさ せられました。授業の大半は面白くなくて、専門と関連がありませんでした。日本にいる間、何度も人生の一年間を無駄していると思いました。

しかし、一年間日本にいたことを後悔していません。私はもっといい人になれたし、以前とは別人です。一人でアパートに住んだことがあったので、どうやって自活するか、どうやって難しいときを扱うか学びました。また、私のアメリカにいる友達をもっと尊敬します。

自分の成長に加えて二つの目標を達成しました。まず、日本語の能力を高めたかったで、そうできたと思います。まだ日本語の全部をはっきり分かりませんから、日本語の能力が増えることに気づきませんでした。しかし、今、日本に来る前に勉強した内容を見ると、あの頃の日本語がとても簡単に見えて、自分の能力が上がったことに気づかされます。

二つの目標は直接日本を経験することでした。多くの人は本やテレビ、映画などで外国について習います。そして、私は日本について教科書の内容以上のことを習いたかったで、それを達成することができたと思います。しかし、外国を分かるために一年はすごく短い期間です。それで、まだ理解していないことがたくさんあると思います。また、アメリカ人の観点で日本を見ていると分かって、実は日本について自分の目で見て学んだことは真実ではな いかもしれません。もっともっと学びたいので、また日本で生活する機会があるといいと思います。

I was generally unhappy and stressed out during my one-year stay in Japan. I didn’t become good friends with anyone, whether they were Japanese or another international student. Japanese strangers stared at me wherever I went, which made me feel like an outsider and made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Most of my classes were uninteresting and weren’t related to my major. A lot of times, I felt like I was wasting a year of my life by staying in Japan.

However, I don’t regret studying in Japan for a year. I’m a much more different and better person than I was before I came here. Now I’ve had the experience of living by myself and relying on myself. I have learned how to deal with unhappy times, and now I appreciate my friends back in the US even more.

In addition to personal growth, I was able to accomplish the two main goals I had when I came to Japan. First, I wanted to strengthen my Japanese language ability, which I have done. I couldn’t feel like my Japanese ability was getting better because there is still so much I don’t understand. However, when I look at the things I was studying before I came to Japan, they seem so easy, and I can realize how much my language skill has grown.

The second goal I had was to experience Japan firsthand. Many people learn about foreign countries only through books, TV, or movies. I wanted to learn more about Japan than the things written in the textbooks I had read, and I feel like I have been able to do that. However, one year is a very short time to study a culture, and I know there are still so many things I haven’t learned about Japan. I also realize that I’m seeing Japan through the eyes of an American with my own biases and that what I think I’ve learned about Japan may actually be untrue. I hope I have the opportunity to live in Japan again so I can keep learning about this country.

I know I'll miss Japan, and I already can't wait to come back, but without a doubt, I need a break from Japan. I leave in exactly one month from tomorrow.

Today is mine and my boyfriend's 2½-year anniversary. :)