My Christmas in Japan

So, Christmas in Japan has come and gone.



I spent Christmas Eve with my boyfriend. He's always late whenever we have plans, so I bugged him for days and days not to be late for Christmas Eve. Ten minutes after he was supposed to leave to come to my apartment, he sent me the usual text message saying, "I'm leaving now!" Then a few seconds later, he knocked on my door. He came early! It was one of the best surprises he's done for me.

We made hotel reservations for a trip to Gifu next week, then we picked up our friend chicken and Christmas cake and ate them while we watched Elf. All in all, it was a really great night.

However, even though I'm here with my boyfriend for the holidays, and even though I hate my family most of the time, I think I would have preferred being at home for Christmas this year. This is because Japan doesn't really care about Christmas, at least not in the same way that the US does, and because spending Christmas with my boyfriend actually meant I spent Christmas Day alone. The boss in his laboratory scheduled cleaning on Christmas.... I did nothing all day, except for a short trip out of the apartment when I mailed a 年賀状 (New Year's card) and bought a few groceries.

I normally ride my bicycle whenever I want to go somewhere, but today I decided to walk to the post office because I didn't think the short trip was worth the effort of untangling my bicycle from the others in the parking area. After walking a block, I was reminded of why I ride my bike everywhere. Same reason I don't like riding the subway: getting stared at. Japanese people don't usually stare at me when I ride my bike, and even if they do, they only have a few seconds to look at me before I'm already gone. Aside from the stares, I really enjoyed the walk because I noticed so many new things about everything around, even though I take the same street to and from school every day. It made me wish I walked more places, but I'm already a self-conscious person without being stared as much as I am.

There are a lot of girls in my classes who have boyfriends that they're separated from while they're studying in Japan. When they hear that I have a boyfriend here, they tell me how lucky I am. I think they sometimes say it out of spite and jealousy, and it makes me mad because they shouldn't make me feel guilty. I deserve to have this time with my boyfriend. Out of the two years he and I have been dating, we've only been together for nine months. I'm sorry other girls have to go through similar separation, but this is my and my boyfriend's time to enjoy.

Like I mentioned above, we have plans to go to Gifu in a couple of days. We'll just be there two days, but I'm still really excited. I need to buy some warmer clothes before we go, though.

Andy Williams is the Background Music of My Christmases

What a productive weekend! Finished my homework, studied Japanese, scrubbed down my entire bathroom, mopped my apartment floor, sewed a couple of things, did laundry and dishes, and still managed to have fun, like watching TV and movies. Tonight might be the first school night in Japan that I get a full eight hours sleep. It's the little things in life, really.

Christmas is coming! I'm starting to miss certain aspects of being home for Christmas, or having Christmas in the US in general, but I'd still much rather be here in Japan. I have a small plastic tree that my boyfriend and I decorated with red and silver ornaments. There are four presents under the tree right now, all for my boyfriend from me. Lucky guy. :P

He and I are trying to make plans for a short trip to Gifu after Christmas and before New Years. I want to see some snow and have a short vacation with him. We're also planning on going to Hokkaido mid-February to celebrate our two-year anniversary, but we'll see what happens. He's been so busy that we haven't been able to make any reservations yet. (God knows I can't make any by myself -- I can't speak enough Japanese, which is frustrating.) So, everywhere may be all booked up before we get a chance to make a reservation. Oh well, things will work out for the best.

I'll be spending New Years with my boyfriend and his parents. When my boyfriend told me we'd be making mochi, I pictured some big, traditional family effort and got excited, but then he told me we'll just be using a machine to make the mochi. Not as exciting.

I'm bringing up my New Years plans, though, to talk about spending time with his parents, who don't speak any English. When I saw them three months ago, they expected me to understand Japanese more than I did, and the more they tried to get me to say something, the further I retreated into my shell. I could understand almost nothing that they said, not only because I was still a beginner, but also because they're rural people that speak in Nagoya-ben and very colloquially and lazily. It was so frustrating to be expected to understand the mush that was coming out of their mouths. What's worse, I felt like they were making fun of me every time I couldn't understand them. My boyfriend says they weren't, but I don't trust him. He's Japanese; he has to be polite. Anyway, I didn't mean for that to turn into the rant that it did. I planned to say that I'm going to work extra hard these next three weeks so I can have a better chance of understanding them. I think my Japanese has improved a lot already since I've been here, but I really want to impress them even if they don't deserve it. (That's the bitterness talking.)

My hands are so cold. I'm making an effort to not turn on my heater unless I need to. This past month, I've been turning on the heater instead of adding more layers, but I just got the electricity bill, and it's more than I care to pay.

I'll leave it at that for now. I'm going to drink something warm and read a book until it's time to sleep. Good night!

Discovered on YouTube, The Wrong Kind

My boyfriend gave me a small poinsettia plant a couple of weeks ago. My family always had fake poinsettias because we had cats and poinsettias are poisonous to cats. So, I don't know how to take care of the flowers, and now they're dying. :\

I really miss my kitchen at my parents' house. Not only is it big, it's fully stocked with any kind of appliance or cooking utensil you might need, and no matter what I felt like cooking, they'd already have most of the ingredients.

I'm having problems again with my boyfriend and friends. Sometimes this exchange student experience is more sad and lonely than high school was, and high school was a nightmare, the most horrible phase of my life.

Four (that I know about) international students in my program have found my YouTube channel. I've had to defend myself ever since they found it. And now I feel like I wouldn't be able to make a video the same way again. I think I will act differently, and I don't want that to happen. If some random person on the internet sees your videos and judges you, it's not a big deal -- it's just one person out of 6½ billion. It's different with someone you know outside of YouTube. I still haven't come up with a good way of explaining my feelings, so the other international students still don't understand, but anyone else who has had their channels discovered by people they know in real life will know what I'm feeling. Can anyone explain it better?

Maybe YouTube is a way I can express more of my honne (true self), whereas, in front of people, I most likely have some form of tatemae (mask) present to follow giri (social obligations) and keep peace somewhat. I don't know.

This is what I'm wondering: where are all the cool, supportive YT people in real life? The fiveawesomegirls channel, for example, has a group of awesome, supportive, loving followers. Where are these people in real life? How come I've yet to meet anyone in real life who like vlogging or watches vloggers or is at least accepting about vlogging? It's not that much of a strange, new, foreign thing. It's been around for years. Why is it still considered so weird IRL?

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Regret Was Bound to Happen

My classmates have ruined it for me. I don't want to make YouTube videos or write in a public blog anymore. I'm close to deleting my YT account, but I know I'd regret it later. Fuck you guys.