Theatre in London Interim Class Begins

Jeannettosaurus in Japan is now Jeannettosaurus in London!

I'm in London for a month to study theatre with a class. I wasn't planning on keeping a blog while I'm here, but I'm doing so much stuff that I feel the need to write. I've been so busy these past two days that I feel like I haven't had time to rest my body and empty my mind.

So here I go. But I'll be emptying my mind while sacrificing the chance to rest my body because it's already 1am right now and I will be getting up around 8am.

We arrived here yesterday around noon. By 5 o'clock we were so tired that it could've been 3 in the morning. After an amazing Italian dinner (salad: mozzarella cheese, tomato slices, avacodo; main course: thick, flat pasta in a creamy mushroom sauce; dessert: heavy chocolate mousse cake) that took 2 hours to be served and eaten.

I didn't sleep very well last night for a variety of reasons. Light shining in my room. Feeling cold. Pain in my elbow every time I put pressure on it. (I had tripped and fell on the streets of London and ripped my coat at the elbow). Being overly conscious of two other people also sleeping in the room. (It's been a year and a half since I last had a roommate.) Being overly excited for the next day, our first real day of the trip.

Today we had our first class in the morning, and after that I explored Baker Street with a few other people. I found edamame beans in one of the cafes we went into, and I ate them all in one sitting tonight.

After lunch we all had a half-day guided bus tour of London. The city is so pretty, and everything has a story behind it. I found myself wishing I could be able to live in London. (We'll see if I still want to live here after being here four more weeks.)

I was dead tired after that and took a nap, which means I got nothing done that I had been meaning to do. Then it was time for dinner, and after that, we went to our first play of the month: War Horse.

I don't know how to describe how awesome it was. I need to become better at figuring out why I liked each play because otherwise I will be saying the same thing for every play. But War Horse. You should look it up. And see it if you can. It was wonderful.

And that leads me to what I'm doing now. Tomorrow I'm giving a presentation on one of the next plays we're seeing (The Master Builder), and I've just finished preparing for that. I'm finished with what I had to say for now, but my mind is still awake and wanting to do things. What else was on my to-do list?

Time to Say Goodbye

So, the time has finally come. I'm leaving Japan on Sunday, which is less than four days away as I write this.

I don't really want to leave, but since I have to, I wish I could leave right now. I've just been waiting alone for the departure day to come. I couldn't pack earlier because I still need to use a lot of the stuff I'd pack. And I don't even have the internet to distract me. (I'm posting this later on the school computers.) Over the past three days, I've rewatched an entire season of The Office that I have on my iTunes.

I don't want to leave my boyfriend again.

We spent my freshman year of college together at my university, and then he had to go back to Japan. My sophomore year was horrible. I missed him, and I was frustrated because I didn't know toward what educational or career goals to work, and I inadvertantly started to push away my friends because I was so angry and depressed all the time. I don't want to go back to that year again. I'm scared that when I go back to school next month, sophomore year will happen all over again. I've grown up so incredibly much over this past year in Japan, and now I know what I want to do after I graduate, so I'm hoping I'll be able to make my last year of college great or at least better than sophomore year. But I know it's easy for me to fall into old habits, especially since I'll be at home somewhat.

This year was hard, and, overall, I didn't enjoy it. But I'm glad I did this one-year program, and I don't regret it at all. Like I said, I think I've grown so much as a person. When I look back at myself after I first arrived in Japan, I can't believe how different I am now, in a good way. I think (I hope) I know how to deal with problems better. I can do much more by myself and don't rely on other people to help me as much.

What am I going to miss most about Japan? Subways, trains, and convenience stores. I love the subway and train system here. If I want to go somewhere, I just take a train and I'm there. It's so convenient! My school in the US is in a very small town far away from the city, and I don't have a car at school, so it's impossible to go anywhere or do anything without relying on the buses, which are infrequent and only go a few places. I would be so set if we had a train and subway system!
As for convenience stores, they're stocked with so many good drinks and snacks and cheap meals. I love the food and drinks in Japanese convenience stores! And they're EVERYwhere.

I need to get back to work (packing, cleaning, and the like).

Cold Feet?

Whether it’s because I’ll be going home soon or because I've truly become comfortable, I feel like now I can survive in Japan on my own. I don’t need my electronic dictionary or other people to help me. I can figure things out on my own; I can speak in Japanese, ask question, and understand the answers I’m given.

Now I don’t want to leave. Well, I want to go back to the U.S., but only as a vacation. I want to see my cats, my grandparents, and my friends and eat all the delicious and cheap food I have been able to eat this past year in Japan. Then I want to come back to Japan.

I’m scared of returning to the U.S. because what if I don’t fit in my old environment anymore? What happens if my friends and I don’t get along as well or if I become uninterested in the things I was doing before I came to Japan?

I'll find out soon enough because I'm going back to the US in about three weeks.

Contest Entry

For the Ruby Oliver books contest:

First kiss, age 18. Happened with first boyfriend after dating for 2 months. Pocahontas soundtrack was playing on my laptop. #RubyOliverBooks

Enter with your awkward or embarrassing, err, "romantic" encounter! :)

経験の報告書／Study Report

国へ帰る前に一年間の日本にいる経験について短い報告書を書かなくちゃいけませんでした。日本語でも英語でも書いていて、よかったら、見てください。

Before I leave Japan, I've had to write a short report about my experience in Japan the past year. I've written it in both Japanese and English. Take a look if you'd like.

日本にいる一年間、私は大体嬉しくなくて緊張していました。日本人とも他の留学生とも、誰ともといい友達になっていませんでした。どこへ行っても、日本人が私をじろじろ見るので、自分が部外者のように感じられて、どこかおかしいという気分にさ せられました。授業の大半は面白くなくて、専門と関連がありませんでした。日本にいる間、何度も人生の一年間を無駄していると思いました。

しかし、一年間日本にいたことを後悔していません。私はもっといい人になれたし、以前とは別人です。一人でアパートに住んだことがあったので、どうやって自活するか、どうやって難しいときを扱うか学びました。また、私のアメリカにいる友達をもっと尊敬します。

自分の成長に加えて二つの目標を達成しました。まず、日本語の能力を高めたかったで、そうできたと思います。まだ日本語の全部をはっきり分かりませんから、日本語の能力が増えることに気づきませんでした。しかし、今、日本に来る前に勉強した内容を見ると、あの頃の日本語がとても簡単に見えて、自分の能力が上がったことに気づかされます。

二つの目標は直接日本を経験することでした。多くの人は本やテレビ、映画などで外国について習います。そして、私は日本について教科書の内容以上のことを習いたかったで、それを達成することができたと思います。しかし、外国を分かるために一年はすごく短い期間です。それで、まだ理解していないことがたくさんあると思います。また、アメリカ人の観点で日本を見ていると分かって、実は日本について自分の目で見て学んだことは真実ではな いかもしれません。もっともっと学びたいので、また日本で生活する機会があるといいと思います。

I was generally unhappy and stressed out during my one-year stay in Japan. I didn’t become good friends with anyone, whether they were Japanese or another international student. Japanese strangers stared at me wherever I went, which made me feel like an outsider and made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Most of my classes were uninteresting and weren’t related to my major. A lot of times, I felt like I was wasting a year of my life by staying in Japan.

However, I don’t regret studying in Japan for a year. I’m a much more different and better person than I was before I came here. Now I’ve had the experience of living by myself and relying on myself. I have learned how to deal with unhappy times, and now I appreciate my friends back in the US even more.

In addition to personal growth, I was able to accomplish the two main goals I had when I came to Japan. First, I wanted to strengthen my Japanese language ability, which I have done. I couldn’t feel like my Japanese ability was getting better because there is still so much I don’t understand. However, when I look at the things I was studying before I came to Japan, they seem so easy, and I can realize how much my language skill has grown.

The second goal I had was to experience Japan firsthand. Many people learn about foreign countries only through books, TV, or movies. I wanted to learn more about Japan than the things written in the textbooks I had read, and I feel like I have been able to do that. However, one year is a very short time to study a culture, and I know there are still so many things I haven’t learned about Japan. I also realize that I’m seeing Japan through the eyes of an American with my own biases and that what I think I’ve learned about Japan may actually be untrue. I hope I have the opportunity to live in Japan again so I can keep learning about this country.

I know I'll miss Japan, and I already can't wait to come back, but without a doubt, I need a break from Japan. I leave in exactly one month from tomorrow.

Today is mine and my boyfriend's 2½-year anniversary. :)

皆さん、久しぶりですね。

ちょっと忙しいし、怠けたし、このブログを無視しちゃいました。

So what have I been up to? Last I wrote, I was on a two-month school break. In my second to last post, I listed a selection of books I wanted to study from during the break. To my surprise, I finished almost all of them. I was planning to write a small review of each of the books, but since I don't think anyone would care, I'll leave it at this: they're all good books (especially 外国人のためのケータイメール＠にっぽん) except for one: にほんごチャレンジ３級[ことばと漢字]. The book isn't as good as it could be. It has a few mistakes that should've been caught before it was published, and the definitions of words could've been better, perhaps more detailed, since the entire book focuses on vocabulary.

Other than that... what did I do? I can't remember much. It feels like so long ago. I went to Hokkaido, which I might've already written about. I went to the YouTube Hanami party in Tokyo, which was very tiring to get to and from but very, very fun. My boyfriend and I did a few things around the city before he moved away for his new job. Now I don't see him very often, and when I do, it's hard on the wallet.

I spent most of Golden Week, which was a few weeks ago, with my boyfriend at his parents house. That was fun. It was nice to be able to spend so much time with my boyfriend and not have to worry about cooking food or doing dishes or cleaning. Plus, it's nice to spend time with Shinichi's parents now that I'm able to use and understand Japanese better. I've improved my Japanese and they've started to speak more clearly (meaning they tone down their dialect), and with those two things, we can communicate. :)

I'm about two months into my last semester in Japan. I'm starting to put on the breaks and getting ready mentally to go back home. Some days I'm excited to go back home, other days I don't want it to happen. As hard as this year has been, next year will be hard too. Reverse culture shock, being away from my boyfriend again for at least nine months, an overly-busy class schedule, figuring out what I'll do after I graduate. Graduate school applications are due in November and December -- AHHH!! I'm stressing myself out -- I should stop.

Anyway, I'm about two months into the semester, and my Japanese language class is about two weeks from being halfway over. We'll be starting a new textbook then. Two textbooks in one semester -- it's hard for me to believe. We go so quickly that I know I'm not remembering everything I should. When I first got to Japan and started Japanese classes, we went through all of Genki II in half a semester. My home university took a year to go through it. But there are still some things in Genki II I don't remember, mainly vocabulary. I'm using smart.fm to help get my vocabulary (and kanji) to where they should be.

But this is all very boring. I'm not sure why I'm writing a blog entry now and about these things.

I've realized my study abroad experience has become exactly the same as my senior year of high school. I transferred to a new school that year, going from a tiny private school to a HUGE public school. I knew nothing about how the school ran. Apparently I had my own email address through the school. No one ever told me. I read the handbook cover to cover a few times, and I knew everything it said, but there was still so many things about the school that everyone else knew.

Also, I knew no one. I had always lived in the city where the public school was, but I had gone to another school thirty minutes away from where I lived. Anyone I knew lived over there. My new school was full of rich and stupid Valley Girl snobs, the kind of people I hate.

On the first day of school, I did make a friend: a loner named Chris who liked anime and other nerdy things. For a while I hung out with him and his friends, but even though they were nice and I liked them, I didn't fit with them, and I started spending less time with them.

After that, I spent all of my time alone. I didn't talk to my classmates, and they didn't talk to me. After school, I would look back over the day and count how many times I talked. Usually it was only a couple a words, at the most a few sentences. I usually only talked to answer the teacher.

I got into the habit of spending my lunch break one of two ways. Sometimes I would sit in my car and listen to the radio while I ate my lunch. Even though it didn't take me long to eat, I would stay there in the car until it was time for class. I usually put the blinds up, both because it's always hot and sunny in California, but also because it made me feel closed-off and safe. I know, I must be a mental case. Anyway, when I didn't do that, I would spend my lunch break in the library doing homework, and then I would eat my lunch (which was usually only a sandwich) later on the drive home.

Anyway, I told you all of that because it's all happening again. I know next to nothing about how the school runs, basically because of the language barrier. I do talk with my classmates a lot more than I did with my high school classmates, but it's still not much. If I have to stay on campus for lunch, I eat a bento quickly where there aren't a lot of people around, and then I hide out in the computer lab until it's time for class. As soon as classes are over, I go home. I don't go to parties or other outings, mainly because I'm not invited but also because I usually don't want to go. I'm alone except for when I spend time with my boyfriend.

It's pretty sad, and it depresses me to know that, even though I'm older now, I'm still reacting to a situation the same way I did three years ago. But I'm okay with all of this. If I really wanted to change the situation, I probably could. The truth is, I don't mind being by myself. It's so much work to hang out with other people, and it usually doesn't feel worth it to me, especially if I don't fit well with the other people.

Well, that's a look into my mind and my experience, I guess. I'm not sure how to wrap up this post, so let's just end it.

Back with Determination

I've been so unhappy and frustrated lately that I was an email draft away from initiating plans to leave Japan and go back home five months early. Today I watched a YouTube vlog I made nearly a year ago after I had just found out I'd been accepted by a Japanese university to spend a year in Japan. I was so happy and excited, and I don't want to let that girl be disappointed.